A Farewell Post

My baby, of 16 years, died today.

I ended her life today. 

It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make in my life. 

I feel so sad and angry. I can't believe she's gone.

I am writing this whilst still crying. 

I ended Lucky's life by euthanasia. 

Euthanasia is mercy killing. It is an act of painlessly putting to death someone suffering from pain of incurable disease or disorder.

Lucky was diagnosed with breast cancer since she was 10 or 11 years old. The vet found lumps on her belly and said it is important to remove them by surgery, otherwise it may grow and make it difficult for her to breathe... But for the surgery he has to put her under general anesthesia and because of her age, there is a chance she won't wake up after. I remember that day I went home with tears. I cried so much because of the situation and then my dad suggested to leave her alone and not do anything to her. "Let nature do it's job and don't interfere." And that's what I did. 

Lucky lived all those years with the lumps she had, which during the past two years started to grow untill it was noticable out of her body. Still it didn't look it bothered her and she was acting all normal and happy. She eats well, barks, runs and everything. 

During the past couple years I only noticed her teeth were'nt strong like before and she swollows the food without chewing. But it was fine, it wasn't something to worry about. 

Today morning, I saw blood on her stomach and the hairs on the sides. I was shocked and scared! I thought maybe something bit her or maybe it is something that has to do with her lumps that maybe explode out of her body?? I felt it is the end. I ran to my husband and told him I think that's it, Lucky, there is so much blood on her and she's licking it.....It is the end. 

I was depressed and scared. I didn't want to take her to the vet. Because I knew he is going to suggest euthanasia. I knew there is nothing that he can do in her situation. She is 16 years old!

It took me half the day to think about it and finally make the decision to take her to the vet. We cleaned her and took her in her bed to the vet.

When I took the decision to take her to the vet I was complete and ready for anything, even for euthanasia, or that's what I thought.

When the vet looked at her wound he said there are two options: first, is a surgery to stitch the wound but there might not be enough skin on her belly to do that and also we will have to put her under anesthesia and that might not be good for her at her age...she will not wake up after. Option two, is to euthanize her. My husband asked how is it done? and the vet explained that first he will give her a shot of sedative and then a shot of anesthesia and then the euthanasia drug. The drug will stop her breath and then will shut down her heart and brain.

As I heard those words I couldn't hold myself any longer and burst into tears in front of the vet and went outside. It was too hard to hear this. I can't imagine I'm making a decision to kill my love!! She is fine and I don't see her suffering. It was crazy complicated situation to me. 

I came back inside after my husband calmed me down, I told the vet that this is too harsh and she is not suffering. He said that even if she isn't showing, she has to be in pain. She has an open wound. She has lumps in her body. He said well if you don't want to call it that way, let's agree that she isn't happy, or isn't the happiest dog. 

I searched for alternatives, and couldn't find any. He said maybe I can give her pain killers, but the lump will keep on growing and she will still have an open wound and the other lumps in her that are still growing might also stick outside her body and she might have another wound. He said I could keep her for approximately another week.... 

But another week is the same for me, if it's gonna happen anyway. There will be no difference if it's today or another week and maybe I will be really making her suffer. So I decided that it's gonna happen today.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her and I don't think I ever will be. I want her to saty forever with me. We've been through so much together and she's so cute and good. She was with me in during every situation and important decision I made in my life and I took her everywhere I went and lived. I love her so much. 

After the conversation with the vet, I went outside and cried so much. My husband brought her to me outside on the bench to talk to her and say goodbye to her. I looked at her and caressed her with so much tears. 

Pigeons and birds were flying around us and pecking for food at the ground. This scene made me reminisce about all the times when Lucky used to see pigeons and run towards them with happeness and bark and play with them. I imagined her doing so and then realized it's not going to happen anymore. They were her best friends. 

Did they come to participate in the farewell party? 

I dont remember I ever cried that much. Which is weird because I thought I prepared myself and already took the decision before we came to the vet. I couldn't let her go. She was so cute and calm with me while caressing her. I couldn't stop thinking if it's really the right decision or not since she is so calm and doesn't seem to be in pain and so maybe letting her die on her own is better. 

Letting her die on her own in her situation would really mean that I'm going to let her suffer to death and I don't want that.

So not much of a choice I had. We are doing this. Goodbye my best friend. Goodbye Lucky :(

I gave her to my husband and waited outside. 

After the procedure was done, I saw her. She looked peacefully sleeping. I asked several times if they are sure she's dead because she looks sleeping. She looked good. 

We took her to the mountain next to our home for the burial. We burried her in a very nice place with a beautiful view on top of the mountain. 

We plan to visit her next week. 

after we were done and back home at my mother in law, at night, I went outside by myself and started crying again. Can't believe I lost Lucky. 

I cried a lot and then there was a dog with a collar on his neck that saw me and came up to the fence and stared at me. He was a light brown colored dog, a little big, with curved tail, just like Lucky had. The dog looked at me and didn't move. I approached to him and carassed him on his head (I never touch dogs I don't know). It was a weird moment, it never happened before. I guess the dog saw me sad and wanted to keep me company or is it the spirit of Lucky? He reminded me of her. Everything reminded me of her. 

I looked at some stairs that were on the side of the road and I reminisced again about the times I used to walk lucky and sit like that on stairs with her... I saw us sitting on those stairs and remembered how good those times were and then realized it is not gonna happen again. 

Every little thing reminds me of her now.

I'm going to miss you so much... my dear Lucky. 

Coronavirus

Our country declared a state of emergency.

The virus Covid-19 is taking over.

But you know what, I don't really think that the situation we are in is a bad thing. The virus is bad. But there is a good side. There is always good in everything. 

This whole thing makes us think twice for everything we took for granted. 

All of a sudden, we can't do the things we love to do or used to do.

Everything stopped. No work, no school, no shops, no friends, no family...

Not only we can't hug or kiss or get close to one another, we even can't get out for a walk (only up to 100 m), we can't visit anyone, we can't go shopping, we can't go to school or to church... 

We are allowed to leave the house only to buy food, medicine or see the doctor. 

It's crazy. It's jail. Even worse.

Maybe it happened so we can learn to appreciate ourselves, our health, the routine we lived in, our family, our job, the cup of coffee with friends, the blessings we had...

The importance of general hygiene, and that we actually can do everything and anything from home; work, learn, teach, pray...

Maybe, after all, there is something good out of this scary virus. 

We were rushing into this life. 

It's God's way of telling us to stop or to slow down. 

That's what I think.

I also don't think, after this whole thing is over, that people will get back to 100% normal. It affected us. We learned the importance of everything we took for granted. 

Meanwhile, stay safe, stay inside. 

Future Plans

Two years ago, after I finished my Masters degree and began a lifestyle of routine between home and work, I felt down. I thought all my ambition had ended because I had accomplished everything I wanted.

I thought all I have left to do now, is get better at my job, look for a raise, get married and have a family.

However, it still wasn't it for me. 

I couldn't ignore the feeling of emptiness that I had, of something missing. I needed more than just the random things in life, that will eventually happen. I needed to look up for something more, in life, to achieve, for myself.

It's not a dream to have a family. Of course I want to have a family of my own, but also, to be a woman, a wife, a mother, with a career.

I did get a raise, I am good at my job, I did get married. 

My husband and I are now working on the house we purchased, it needs some renovations. 

After that, we plan to have children.

I think life in general is adventuress. There are always new things happening; things to work on, do and have. Therefor, there are always hopes and dreams.

I love my job. Especially to appear in courts. 

Every other day I have a court hearing, and I am good at it. 

I feel I am so confident and ready, to be independent.

I dream to have my own Law firm. To be the boss in a beautifully designed law firm office. To be the one who goes to all court hearings, and to have employees and lawyers that do all the work at the office. 

I was happy and contented to dream. To once again have an ambition. To look forward to something and work on it. 

When I was about to get married, I looked for dresses and cloth, and met dressmakers. I saw myself gathering ideas, collecting pictures, mixing and putting things together, and I wished I could make my own clothes and dresses.

Two friends of mine went to sewing classes. 

I thought this is what I want too! Next to my job as a lawyer, I'll do it after noon and in the weekends, for myself.  

The classes are expensive. So meanwhile, I'm keeping it as an idea, until I am sure I have the time for it. 

So if you ask me about my future plans and where do I see myself in the next five years, I'd say a boss at my Law Firm. And in the next years, when I am old and too tired to run around at courts as much as today, I will be a dressmaker. A designer of my own brand. I'll name my brand Mooly :)

Permanent Makeup

It gets boring and dull to look always good and the same. 

You get used to your look and it won't get exciting anymore. And so, you decide to change something or become more beautiful, and so you do more things and get yourself into that loop of doing more and more, and it won't end until you become really ugly and die. 

Plastic surgery is addictive. Usually, it starts with a nose job or breast enhancement. Then after that, you may want to change another thing, an eyebrows lift maybe, or a Botox injection. 

Also, getting tattoos is addictive. Once you get one done you'd want more, until all your body is all covered and it becomes too late to regret when you're older.

Maybe because it gets dull to always see the same drawings on your skin, you decide to do more and more. 

Don't ruin your body. Be smart with everything you do. 

Get less permanent things.  

Also when you get your nails done, with Acrylic or Gel or whatever... You get to waste money and get stuck with the same nail color all month. For what, really? It also damages your nails. 

What about permanent makeup? Why to always look the same? It's not fun. There is a little beauty with a face without any makeup on. Why to lose the "Wow look" every time you get ready to a party or a night out.

Too much makeup is ugly. You become someone else. Not the same self anymore and with that, your behavior changes as well. 

I really think it's useless, expensive and dull, to do all these beauty things.  

From what I noticed, it usually starts with something small, that does make the person prettier, but the problem is, when it doesn't stop there, and the person decides to do more things, and then it gets to a point where it becomes really ugly. 

2017

So many things happened in 2017...

I was proposed to, got engaged, got married, went on honeymoon, became 30!!, moved out from my apartment in Haifa back to Nazareth, bought a house, bought birds and all of a sudden I am completely changed in just one year. 

I wanted to write so many times but I was so busy that I didn't have the time to it, too tired and that's why I don't have posts. 

But here is a little recap. 

Becoming 30 years old was depressing to me, although it was supposed to be a good year for me. 

I am the one who always thought that birthdays should be celebrated because of all the things that person went through all those years until that day, cherishing everything and making decisions and changes maybe for the upcoming years. 

I finished 30 years on earth, after I met the love of my life, finished second degree in Law, got a stable job, became independent with life experiences, got engaged and was ready and about to get married on the same year. 

However, I felt really bad on my birthday and I didn't celebrate. It was something about the number that I couldn't accept and until today, I can't find the reason for my feelings and behavior on my birthday. 

Anyways, getting married was so exciting to me. I was overwhelmed. 

I was so happy and sad at the same time because I was about to leave my family and get a new one.

It is a mixture of feelings that's hard to describe.

Marriage is something to work on. It makes two different people become one. It needs both sides to understand, work, have patience and love, for eachother.

It is wonderful when you realize that you are now Two and not One anymore. 

By the way, you know me and how I love good dates- so my engagement party was on 17.2.17 and my wedding day was on 7.10.17. :) 

Circle of Life

Breathe. Take it simple. Take it easy. 

I just had this conversation with dad... It has been an unbelievably tough two months. Since March we've been in mourning. Almost every two weeks, someone in the family dies. 

I hope this time was the last one.

The hardest thing is, to see your loved ones in grief. See them cry. It's not only the fact that someone close died and is going to be missed around, it's the pain and sadness you see your family in, that makes it worse. 

My mom is so strong. She can go through anything. She would never show fear or sadness, no matter what happens. She always hold things together. Even in tough times. No matter the pain she's in, she would never shed a tear in front of others, because she thinks if they see her crying it would make them weaker and dwell in more pain, whereas if you show strength, it might help them stop crying and cheer up a little bit.

Today mom was different. She was weak. She was crying. My grandmother too. She cried. Two powerful strong women, cried in front of me for the first time. And I just lost it. Too painful. I prayed and asked for strength, because there isn't any left. 

It was right before the funeral where you sit beside the body and say goodbye. 

It's weird to see the dead body. Especially when you know the person. It's like as if people have batteries, that hiss's was just taken out. Or like a switch button that was clicked off. 

You look at the body, laying there, sleeping peacefully, wearing a beautiful suit. Mouth closed, eyes shot, pale coloured. You stare at him and you reminisce. His laugh, his jokes, his dance... His goodness. All the sweetest cutest things... And then you cringe. You snip back to the reality that he is just a body that's going to be buried soon, that that's it, he is gone. You cry again.

It's sad. Because he was good. A part of us. Someone that my family loved so much. Sad because he's going to be missing. We will be family minus one. 

It's like as in birth, you gain someone to your family and you become a plus one. In death, it's the the opposite, you lose one. 

To have more, you need room, right? You lose someone and you get someone. It's life. Someone is born, other passes away. It's nature's way of taking and giving back life to the earth. Someone dies to give another a new life. 

Life, is where things change, for the good and for the bad, and we constantly keep growing and learning. 

My dad told me, at a conversation I had with him, after we came back from the funeral, he said that's exactly why we need to take life easy and everything simple. Nothing is really worth it. Nothing we worry about. Don't take things too seriously. Enjoy. Be good. To everyone and yourself. Don't fight with people. Don't get upset. Don't work too hard. Because for what? Life is not guaranteed. No one knows what will happen or when. When you work too hard and forget to live and fight with people, and then all of a sudden, you get a stroke, or cancer strikes in, and you die in very little notice, so then what was all the hard work and fights for? Was it really worth it in the end ?? No. 

My grandfather, dads dad, died when I was very little. I didn't know him. It was on the year I was  born. My dad said that he was healthy. Sports man. It was an early morning where he had just returned home from a jog. As he got in the house his heart stopped working, he fell and died immediately. It was hard and so sad to everyone.

This is life. Things happen sometimes just all of a sudden. You don't know how much time you'll live or others around you will. Nothing is promised. Things change and people change. Babies are born and others die.

It's a shame I say, that I didn't get the chance to know my grandfather. But maybe his early death or the way he died made my dad stronger and the person he is today. His peacefulness and goodness is just incredible. The way he deals with things. I love him. I learn from him a lot. 

Maybe it's true, there is something good in every little thing or bad thing that happens. That's what I believe. It was the hardest months so far on me, and I hope this is the last death in the family, at least for a while. 

I wasn't only sad, but also really worried. It hit me that as I get older, the people around me get older too. Those grownups I had around when I was little, are old now. Some are really old. I see how they change. How different and weak they become by time. It is scary to realize that they will not live forever. That they are growing old too. And that day will come. 

I am 30 years old. It's big. I guess it's the age to start handling these situations. Handling loss. But that's life and the way it is. That's what's so hard to understand and takes time and growth to realize and get through it. Through life.  

I can say I am grown more. I am more connected to the family and the extended family members that I don't see often. We've been meeting in those hard situations, but at least we meet and talk and that's the little good out of all this I guess. 

30 years old

I was thinking about birthdays. How much I love birthdays and how excited I get when it's someone’s birthday and my birthday!

This year, it’s the first time ever I feel a bit sad inside. This year I’m becoming 30 years old. 30! My twenties are over. It feels old. Serious. It makes me go back and wonder.

I feel sad because I never thought I will be 30 years old still not married and without kids. I’ve always wanted to be a great mom, young mom. To be married at 24. To be done with kids at 30. To be able to raise my kids right, spend time with them as I should, to be great at my job and career, to be a good wife. In three months I will be 30. It’s not what I planned.

On the other hand, I've gone through so much so far. My personality, my job, my studies, everything... I've done so many things to be proud of.

Tried to feel better about it but it's not getting better I'm still sad about it. But maybe it's fine, it's not supposed to be as I anticipated. 

But, I’m getting married!!!!!!

Yesterday my boyfriend proposed to me!! 

It was great. I cried. I said yes. 

That's it. 

I think I found the right man to be my husband and the father of my kids, who would love me and the family forever. I felt right since the begging and that’s right.

The Miracle of Life

This is exactly from one year ago. I love it. The way he speaks to the baby and the way the baby listens... Is just amazing.

 "Somehow, like literally, like, a piece of software melded together, fused and then like it started to turn itself into like a living, breathing, you know, it's like a steak with brain. You're meat. You grew up inside your mother. You're like a wetware Android. And now, you're grasping all of this amazing information as you map and model the world, you're growing you're learning, you're expanding, you're slowly emerging as a thinking being. It's like, oh my God, this is what it's like to be a mind. I mean you're transcendent. But you're also like made of flesh so it's like holding you, is like, what is this, like actual piece of divine miracle that somehow this universe allowed to organize. It's insane. Looking into your eyes actually feels like looking at a galaxy. Yeah, it really does."

Make a Difference

Listen to Justin Timberlake innovator award acceptance speech!



"Growing up in school, no one ever called me anything close to an innovator. They called me different. They called me weird. They called me a couple of other words I can't say on TV. But thankfully my mother taught me that being different was a good thing. That being different meant that you could actually make a difference. So, tonight, I want to thank my mom.

If you're a young person, like I used to be, and you're at home watching and you're being called weird, or you're being called different, or whatever the hell you're being called, I'm here tonight to tell you, your critics do not count. Their words will fade. You won't. 

Stay foolish, stay hungry. Dream, work hard and who knows, maybe someday, you'll find yourself standing on a stage and maybe someday, somebody will be giving you an award calling you innovator.

I'm gonna leave you with a couple of quotes that have stuck with me. Ten years ago, a great innovator named Steve Jobs, gave one of the most inspiring speeches ever at a collage commencement. At the end, Steve Jobs quoted some powerful words he'd seen as a young man that he wanted to pass on. Those words were, 'stay hungry, stay foolish.' Now, if any of you, like before you saw some of the SNL stuff that I've done, you know that I have no issue being foolish and anyone who's ever had to deal with me in person, knows that I'm always hungry, literally and figuratively.

When I was a teenager, I read some words that I found extremely powerful that I've been carrying with me ever since. And those words were from our 26th president of the United states, Theodore Roosevelt, 'It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who was actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly. Who errs. Who comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does always actually strive to do the deed. Who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions. Who spends himself in a worthy cause. who at the best, knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value"

I don't know how I have missed this video so far - Angelina Jolie's speech on receiving the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award at the 2013 Governors Awards. 

What an amazing woman! It is one of the best raw and inspiring videos I have come across. With so much grace and poise, she's modeling the power of kindness and love that a woman has, to help transform this world.

She is a true beauty, someone to look up to. 

It is why God gave some people more money than others, to see what would they do with it in this life. Angelina Jolie is one example of how this life works. 

Here's a quote of her speech at the end of the video, I love her, I used to think the same as her: 

"I have never understood why some people are lucky enough to be born with the chance that I had, to have this path in life and why across the world, there is a woman just like me, with the same abilities and the same desires, same work ethic and love for her family, who would most likely make better films and better speeches. Only she sits in a refugee camp, and she has no voice. She worries about what her children will eat, how to keep them safe, and if they'll ever be allowed to return home. I don't know why this is my life and that's hers. I don't understand that but I will do as my mother asked, and I will do the best I can with this life, to be of use. And to stand here today means that I did as she asked. And if she were alive, she would be very proud."

Here's the video:

What About Death

Death.

Damn it.

I don't know how I feel about it anymore. I accept it. I understand everyone is going to die and that the only question left is "when". 

Some old, some young, some get ill, some don't and some just pass away without a notice.

It is sad when someone close to you, someone you are used to having around, dies. Things won't be the same anymore when that person is missing. 

But it's fine. It's life. It's not easy, but when we understand it, we must deal with it, and continue on. Because life continues on.

I have talked about it before, the way I see life - as a test - something temporary that we need to go through and pass. Life is not easy and it shouldn't be, by all means and all ways. It is an adventure. A hard adventure. 

We are babies, we are teenagers, we are adults, we work, we study, we learn, we fight, we lose, we win, we love, we hate, we laugh, we cry, we gain people, we lose people, we build things, we change things....

In the end, it's all about how we deal with all of the things that happen. 

The most important thing is to always remember not to get angry with God, with the world or life. But understand, learn and move forward.

Acceptance and wisdom is all it takes. 

Life.

Well, I wrote this, because of the late incidences that happened, where two of my friends lost a close family member, where one was old and ill, and the other one, was young, very healthy, and died out of a sudden heart attack. It was shocking and unpredictable. Very sad. 

I felt very weird and worried. I immediately thought about my family and how I live far away and don't spend much time with them often. 

I wanted to go and hug everybody.

I don't want to have regret. I love them, I want to be with them, spend time, help and learn from them as much as I can, before it gets too late. 

Because that kind of death happens, and people may die just suddenly, we should try to be as much as we can with the ones we love and care about, so we won't have regret when the worst happens. 

Cherish the things you have, including the people around you, your family, friends and those you care about, before it's too late.

"Live each day as if it's your last."

Lawyering

I'm so overwhelmed. 

I'm just back from court. It was so good! 

The case wasn't easy, it involved many parties and witnesses. The cross examination went great and everything was so well and worked out for my favor. 

The representative of the other party was a well known lawyer, one of those lawyers who I looked up to and wanted to work with. It was overwhelming to be together in court and opponents at the same case. 

I was a little bit afraid. But as always, as soon as I get in the courtroom I feel strong, powerful and confident.  

I love my job. This. Me. In the courtroom. 

To win, is always a great feeling. In court terms, as I see it, it's like getting an A+ on an exam. 

Getting ready for court is like getting ready for an exam. This means, a lot of studying and work if you want to succeed. 

Here is the thing:

At school, you have classes, subjects, you study, you learn, you do homework, researches, and in the end, you do a final exam. 

At Lawyering, you have a subject, you do work, you make researches, you study, and in the end, you go to court. 

At school, all you did was for yourself. What ever you get on that exam, has a direct affect on you. If you don't succeed, you get humiliated and sad, and maybe your family too that cares about you. But the one who gets the direct effect is you because it's for you. 

So as hard and stressful final exams may seem, final court sessions are far more stressful and hard. 

At Lawyering, what ever happens at court, has a direct effect not on you, but first of all, on the client and on the law firm you work at. 

What ever you do is mainly for many other people involved not only you. And the exam - at the courtroom - is like a public oral exam. You need to know how to deal with anything that may come up and answer everything, right and firm. Ask the right questions. Make a good summary. Impress the judge, and maybe all the others watching.

It's an Oral exam, where you have the judge in front of you, your client behind you, all the other parties, their lawyers, more lawyers and more irrelevant people, an audience, that are just present in the court room, watching everything.  

Such a great responsibility. 

With Lawyering, you learn to have a strong personality. You learn that whatever happens, with work, nothing is personal. You build a powerful figure. You learn to deal with mistakes, hard situations, unpredictable things, stress, public humiliations... 

The key to do all that, is, to always look confident, no matter what. Even when you are stressed, when you feel you didn't study enough or that you're not ready. Because when you show the opposite; when you look good and confident, you will win.

Look good, feel good and be confident. 

Of course, looks, has a powerful effect, on yourself and on others. So remember to dress good and look nice. It does help. 

And it also works with everything in life - all work types and every situation. When you show confidence you win.

What a wonderful feeling it is when you win, after all the hard work you did. The feeling is greater when it's work related because you don't only make yourself happy and proud but all those others involved. 

And like in that case, I showed such a good impression on the other lawyer and even his own client, which came to me after with admiration and asked for my number for future work. 
  
Also, another thing I learned about, when dealing with stress, and homework. 

We have due dates for all of the things we prepare. We have court orders and decisions that we need to do in time. Some of them are not easy and need a lot of work and thinking. It could be very stressful, especially when you have a lot of work and not very much time for all the things you need to do.

I learned that stress is for vain. When you are stressed you don't think right. It makes things only worse. 

I know it's something we can't control. But we need to, when we don't think about the time and about how are we going to make it and what will happen. We can focus on the thing we need to do. About it only. And do it.

If you can't, and you are still stressed, I found another good way that works for me in dealing with this. Go to sleep. Just for a little bit. Sleeping helps clear the head, and when you are relaxed your brain works better and you will see how when you wake up, the ideas and the solutions will pop up in your brain and everything will be fine. 

The most important thing is to not get stressed out. Learn that for everything there is a solution and that everything is going to be okay in the end. You will not die. What is the worst thing that could happen? don't worry. Get some sleep. You will see how you will solve it when you get up. It's like a refresh for the brain. 

Remember that when you are in stress you don't think right. And it will be just a waste of time. So as soon as you feel stressed you don't know what to do and you're losing time, stop. Be smart. 

Everybody IS Perfect

I posted sometime ago about an experience I had where I realized that nobody is perfect and I wrote about it. 

Today I realized something else. The opposite of what I wrote.

Why to quote "Nobody is perfect", when instead, you can say "Everybody is perfect"!?

Why to point the negative when you can point the positive? 

Each person is individual, unique and beautiful in his/her own way. A person is made of looks and personality. Each is perfect in the way he/she is. 

To an other, you are perfect. There is always someone who sees you perfect.  

Believe you are beautiful. Believe you are perfect. Because you are. 

Don't go around thinking you are not perfect because nobody is perfect. But think the opposite. Think that you are just perfect, unique, and beautiful with all your "flaws". Everybody is perfect.

You are perfect.

Remember that. 

My Shoes

I just came across this short film. Very touching. A must watch. 



Be grateful of what you have because you don't know what others may be suffering from and never judge because you know nothing. 

Careful what you wish for. 

The Simple Life

I am back from the most amazing trip I've ever had so far.

I was with my friends in Romania. We rented a car and traveled around. We were five. 

We stayed there for seven days, slept in three different places, experienced so many different things and adventurous crazy things. 

The weather was great. A little bit of everything it was; from extremely cold days with wind, fog and rain... to sunny and warm days.

It was absolutely amazing. I grew mentally and spiritually in that trip. 

The nature was so beautiful. I didn't expect Romania to have that beautiful landscape. 

Here is a picture of one of the places we stayed at, The Transylvanian Alps:

Most of the trip we were on the road, moving around from one town to another, visiting things and enjoying the simplicity and peaceful life. 

The small towns and their simple life was something magical to experience. 

Animals, like sheep, cows, horses, dogs, were on the streets and everywhere. 

You see how each house in the towns has it's own garden with a cow, a horse, a chicken, sheep and a dog. You see how each animal and each plant has it's purpose for human survival needs, as in food, protection and transportation.

Absorbing that, made me think about the vegetarian and vegan issue. I wonder whether there are people like that in those little towns. I doubt it. I think only us, people of the city are the picky ones. We have the option of processed food. We have facilities that provide us with meat substitue products. We can allow ourselves to get attached to animals and complain about slaughtery.

The same thing with complaining about cutting trees and "ruining nature".

While driving in the mountains, I saw some men cutting trees. I thought Oh no! The nature is so beautiful, why are you ruining it! It was disturbing to see that scene. 

The men were cutting the trees and collecting wood.  

As we reached our hostle, it was minus 2 degrees Celsius. It was freezing. 

Outside the hostle there were stacks of wood. 

As I saw that I realized it is firewood. I thought I need this! It was so cold to the point were I lost sensation in my hands and they were hurt. I was in desperate search for heat, and that firewood was what I needed. 

The woodcutters I saw earlier weren't "bad" people. What they did wasn't "ruining" the nature. They don't even look at it as in "beautiful nature let's keep it". What they did was for survival reasons and needs. To heat up they need to burn wood. There isn't any other way there.

Since we don't suffer from lack of heat, we complain. We have air conditioners and heaters. If we didn't have that, we would be desperately looking for firewood and would be understanding the "ruining nature" thing better. 

If we look at all of the things around us, it seems like it all exists to serve us. Living simple and poor makes us see things different. More deeply. It's all there for us. We are the centre. Not the animals, not the trees. We use it all to live. 

The simple life is the natural way of living. The survival. That's life. 

Feeling connected to the earth or getting attached to certain animals, doesn't mean it's the way it should be... It's just a plus for us.

But, when you cut down trees for vain, for no reason, when it's not necessary... When you kill animals with torture, or more than you need, it's wrong. 

There should be supervisors and punishment for those who use their power - to kill living things - without necessity.  

I am not pro vegans, but I am pro nature. I love animals and I hate cruel people. Let's live and let live. Everything in proportion and with the range of necessity. 

Another thing to point out: I loved the simple life and I hated the city. 

We experienced both. We spent the last two days of the trip in the city. The difference was huge. We were in culture shock. 

It felt empty. People up all night partying and drinking. Too many cheap looking women. Half-naked women. Too many drunk people. A city that doesn't sleep. It was noisy and crowded. 

It was totally the opposite of the places we were at. It was fun, a change. It was beautiful too. But in comparison, the villeges, the countryside, wins.

You Are What You Love

I have just discovered this video! 

Amazing and true. 



Remember:
"You are what you love, not what loves you!"

Taking Things for Granted

So many things we take for granted, in our lives and assume in others' lives too, until the awkward thing happens. 

The other day, I had a meetup with a client. He was an old man. He came with his son, that was maybe in his mid forties. I said Hello and shook my client's hand. Then I reached out to shake his son's hand. 

His son didn't mind my hand. He left me hanging and stayed quiet. Fortunately, at that moment I wasn't looking at the man but talking to my client while my hand was hanging in the air.

I waited a little, I didn't know what to do. Should I pull back my hand or what. I thought this is rude, because he was holding papers in one hand and the other hand was free. 

Then, the man grabbed what he had in his right hand with his left hand, and reached out with his left hand to shake my hand. 

It was weird but it hit me that there was something wrong. 

As our conversation continued, the man mentioned that he is paralyzed-partially paralyzed and can't move his right hand. 

Oops. So inconvenient. 

But I couldn't know and I bet it happens to him often. 

That awkward situation made me think of all the things we take for granted and all the things we assume are fine in other people just because it looks fine to us and/or we don't suffer from a condition that they have, so we take their looks for granted as if they're fine because they look fine. 

We don't think about things that we don't have or don't suffer from. We think everybody is just like us, until we see something obviously different on them. 

I immediately thought the man is rude and didn't think he might have a problem, because his hand looked normal. 

Today, at the office, the cleaning lady came and sat with me a little. We were just us. I stayed over time because I was stressed and I had work to finish before I leave. 

We started talking. 

It was the first time I am put in a situation were I am referred to as "rich". She kept mentioning "you, the rich" and "us, the poor". Who uses these terms these days?! I never thought or considered myself rich!

She said she wishes to die than live poor. 

She thinks I can do anything with money. Go anywhere, buy everything I want. And she is struggling for a piece of bread.

She said she asks God sometimes, why were they born poor. They all work and yet they run after their piece of bread. No matter how much they work, their bank account remains in minus. She said she wishes to be rich, to have money, to be able to enjoy life. They are not happy. To enjoy life you need money. They didn't go to school. Because to go to school you need to have money. 

She asked me about my family and I . She was amazed by the fact that my siblings and I and both my parents went to school and have work. Her face was pretty amazed, something I haven't ever seen before. Her face turned bright. She asked me then about my father, and said with sighs "a doctor... Wow, that must be very nice."

OMG.    

You could tell how much she feels bad in the inside for her background. She even told me, the first day she started working here, that she doesn't like to work when people are around. She wants a job where she can work while no one sees her. She feels embarrassed of herself and of what she does. 

Today she told me about her son and daughter. The girl doesn't know Hebrew very well and she is slow a little bit. She's not getting accepted to work anywhere. And the boy wants to go to the army, because he will get a good salary and because he won't find a job anywhere else. His parents aren't happy about his will. They are afraid he would get killed in a war... But they don't have a choice because they know, in this country, in the future, he will be ok, he will get far and live well. 

She explained that when she turns to God asking why was she born poor... She realizes it's not that she was born poor, it's because her background is poor, and she can't do anything about it. If your parents are poor, you will be poor too, because they won't have the money to get you to college and get you a degree and a good job. So you end up poor, just like them. It's something horrible that you can't do anything about. Even if you want a change, without the money, you can't get the change. 

To me hearing all that made me cringe a little, almost had tears falling. Imagine she couldn't even read my name that's on the wall, my surname, because my forename she knows. 

It was incredible. I feel so blessed. Somethings we don't think about, because we live these things. We don't realize how much we are blessed for the things we have that others don't have, because we don't see the other type of people, we don't meet them, because it's like we live in our own bubble. We know the people that are like us. If you are rich, your company is rich too.

For instance, when we meet someone new, we ask them questions like: What did you study and which school did you go to. We don't question IF. Instead of asking the question "Did you go to school" we jump to the question "where" and "when". We assume they did, because all the people we know and all those around us, did go to school.

We don't see or think beyond. But we should. We need to realize we are blessed. 

They say money doesn't buy happiness. I tried to show the woman that being rich doesn't mean you are happy. Having a "crappy" job could be much better than any other job, because maybe you have less worries, less problems, less work hours, more time at home, more time with your loved ones. I showed her that here I am, not married (she was astonished that I am single), 28 years old, been studying all the time and working till late hours every day, missing out on life.... Every person has his own problems. The poor, the rich, all have problems. 

She was okay. But I am not. I am at the office at this moment, thinking about this woman and about life in general. I feel I have so much gratitude inside of me. 

I am healthy. I have money. I have family, friends, house, dog, job, college degrees.... Everything I wanted I did. The most important things in life, that so many people wish to have, I have!

I always said that when I finish my studies, have a job, have enough money in my bank account, I will keep some money aside, to give out to the poor. I chose to study and practice Law because I enjoy it. I work not precisely for the money, but for me. (because between us, if it was for the money, it's not worthwhile) So since I work for myself, and basically, to help others by being their lawyer, I will also help in another way, by giving out some of the money I make to the people in need. If I have enough money for my things, I don't need all the money. I can give out some to those who could even with just a little, change their whole life! 

After what happened today, I think I am going to start this from now. 

When you are used to having something, it's very hard to appreciate it, because you see it as something normal to have, until you see something else. 

Start cherishing every little thing you have!

Birthdays

My birthday was couple of weeks ago. 

I didn't want my birthday to come. But of course, I can't do anything about it; either it comes or I die. 

And actually, realizing this was something. Why the whining? I should be happy, I am alive. I should be grateful.

I was depressed a little because I felt old. I became 28 years old, which means now I am in my 29th, so close to 30.

But then, my birthday came. 

It was amazing.

Family and friends are something so beautiful to have. I received so many phone calls and messages - Whatsapp, Messenger, Facebook, Instagram, Viber... Since the morning I did nothing but answering and replying to all the people.

The fact that they actually took their time to call or send a message, even if it was just for a minute or even if they didn't precisely mean the words they said or wrote to me, it didn't matter, because it meant a lot to me. It made me feel so good and happy, and that's what matters.

On my birthday night, my friends and I went out to a bar to celebrate. The people there started asking me how old I became and asked if I turned 22 (!) 

In the past, I used to hate the fact that I look younger and people always misinterpreting my age. But now I realized it's actually a blessing. 

As I said in the beginning, we either grow older with the years or we die, there isn't any other way. So, if I don't want to die and I don't have a choice but to grow old, at least, I'm getting older by age but in spirit and looks, I'm still the same. That's something people wish to have.

How wonderful it is, to realize all that and feel extra worthwhile, at least one day a year.

Some people get sad when their birthday comes. It reminds them how they are getting old, that the years are passing by, and that they are just getting closer to death. They don't like to celebrate their birthdays at all, they hate it.

But that's not why we celebrate one's birthday.

A birthday is an annual celebration of one's existence in this world. Of having that person around. 

It's a day when you finally get the chance to tell the ones celebrating how much you care for them and how much they mean to you, especially when you're not the type of person who usually expresses him/herself to others without a reason. 

It is the time to show the ones having their birthday affection and happiness, to tell them how much you love them, to give them presents, hugs, wishes... To tell them how much you like them around, to remind them of how great they are and how far they had become, to make them feel good and encourage them to better years...

This is what a birthday celebration is for. 

We don't celebrate the age, or us getting just old. We celebrate the years passed and become grateful for all the things we have and all the people in our lives. Nothing is for granted.

It's also a time for making calculations and maybe decisions for changes. 

Birthdays are good. 



Remember to stay healthy, have gratitude, be happy and alive!

Decisions

I don't think there is such a thing as a wrong decision in life. 

I believe, first, that everything happens for a reason - you learn constantly from your choices and you grow, and second, if something is meant to be, it will be, eventually. 

Whatever choice we make, is okay. What ever feels right at the moment, do it. 

And besides, how will you know if it's the right decision or not, if you never make it? 

I don't believe in right choice or wrong choice. If it was "right" then great! If it was "wrong", it's still right, for it's a phase you were supposed to go through, in this life, to grow and learn.  

As I once said, this life, here, is just one big test. We get to deal with things - the happy and the bad things, and we are constantly being watched. 

The most important thing is how we take control of our feelings regarding the bad and happy things and choices we make. 

In the end, life here is temporary. We will die eventually but the question is when. Nobody knows when is his time to go, when is he finished the test or when is he finished the thing he was created for. 

Of course I believe in God, the creator of all the things. A Father that sees us all the time and wants the best for us. 

It says in Jeremiah 29:11 - for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

We must trust all our choices, follow our hearts and try to prevent the over thinking. For whatever happens, that we may not understand - thinking it was the best, God has better plan and better things for us if we only trust and wait. 

It is okay if He sometimes puts us in hard situations and watch us take control and moving on. 

He always has a reason for the things He puts us through. But we are not Him, and our ways are not his ways. He has plans for us and we were born for a reason. 

We may not be able to see or understand the reason for the thing that happened, but we must believe that it is ok, have trust and keep the faith. 

It says in Proverbs 3:5 - trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understandigs. 

So it's ok if sometimes you don't find the reason right away, because you will later. (stating this out of experience).

Sometimes the reason for the thing that happened is not only for us but for others as well, an exapmle or a lesson to some other poeple around us. 

The key is, always believe it's okay. No matter what happens, say it's ok. Be strong, deal with it, remember that it is temporary and you are in a test. 

Think positive and wait for the good things that will come to you. 

Speaking of which, here's a quote by Marilyn Monroe: 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let them go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Exactly.

Everything happens for a reason. 

It is something I believed in forever. And believing that, makes life easier.