Nobody's Perfect (confirmed!)

Yesterday I had the most awkward situation in a long time.  

We were out on a date with friends...

The girl (our friend's date) was new. By new I mean it was the first time we go out with her and meet her. 

We were sitting on a table having dinner all together, enjoying our time, when the girl looks at me whispering to go to the bathroom together. I agreed, excused our selves and went to the bathroom. 

As we enter the bathroom, the girl immediately says "Mooly, you have a great body!" I smiled half a smile and reached the sink where the mirror is... The girl continued "You are beautiful... Your body... Look at me, look at my body..." Whilst she grabs some fat from her tummy. I was like "Noo..." She then said "look at your legs..." 

I was speechless for some seconds. It was the first time I ever get in such situation. I thought wow! She has no idea about the flaws I have.

I tried to tell her how she looks great and how I don't see myself as she is saying. I told her how I wish many things and how I think us girls are never satisfied with our selves. We all have things we want to change or wish we had. We always complain and compare. It is in our nature... I told her she's beautiful and fit. 

She thinks I am perfect (!) I wonder how many other girls think so. She just was forward and said it. Maybe there are many others like her, who compare them selves to me, who think I look perfect. 

It was shocking for me to hear someone as her (she looks really good) comparing herself to me. I always compare myself to others. I always wish things I don't have and I do wish I had things different. 

I must mention that I was wearing something slim. But I never thought about how others would feel... That's not why I wear slim clothes. I wear so because I like it. 

I hated what happened. I felt horrible. I thought why did I wear this outfit. I didn't want her to feel bad next to me. This is not why I wore that. I was thinking how next time I would wear something wider and not tight. 

I didn't know or never thought that a girl would actually compare herself to me. I don't think I am perfect and i would love it if I had those specific things that I wish I had. 

This whole situation made me realize that those other girls that I compare myself to, wish the same things as me, they also probably complain about things they have or don't, and probably have flaws that I/we just don't know about or are hidden or covered. 

I have been told I am beautiful or that I look fit and so on. But I am one of those who don't listen to others. I listen only to myself and what I think when I look at myself in the mirror and what I tell myself. So those words "beautiful" "slim" "fit" "perfect" never meant anything to me for I keep comparing myself to those who seem to me perfect, beautiful, slim and fit. 

But you know what, nobody is perfect !! I do understand now that statement. Nobody's perfect!

I think everyone has a story. I know they say it a lot, as a random quote, but I believe it now.

So just LOVE YOURSELF! We need to stop comparing and looking at others. We are all different in some way or another. We are all perfect.  

Speaking of which, I like the words of this song "Little things" by One Direction. It is also cute. 



"Girls can be so self-conscious at times, and forget that it's the 'little things' (good or bad) that contribute to them being the amazing person they are." 

From a Trainee Lawyer to a Boss

I know I haven't posted anything for a really long time... Obviously I am very busy.

Since June I am working as a lawyer in a very nice office with a very nice boss. I love it. Didn't expect to start practicing law that soon after the exams. 

I am 6 months, half a year lawyer and practicing it! Wow...Time flies!

I have my license hung up at the office and it feels as I am the owner of the office as well not just a worker there. The boss talks to me, consults with me and discusses different problems in some cases with me. We are also friends and it's not only an employer-employee relationship. 

I go to work with pleasure and come back home happy. I am learning also a lot from my boss and getting better with time. He thinks I will be a big lawyer one day and better than him. :) 

I am really blessed. 

Plus, at the office we have a trainee... And I teach her! She started on the beginning of the month. Been two weeks working with us. 

Since my boss is nice and relies on me and trusts me, he made me the boss of her too. The girl comes to me for questions, for check ups, and I take her to places-work-related with me. I teach her!

I jumped a big step so fast. But it does make me feel good. 

At the Courtroom

Here I am sitting there in the courtroom, defending X.

I turn my head around to look behind and I see all those frowned faces looking at me with crossed eyebrows. I am talking about approximately 10 people sitting in the courtroom behind us, siblings and relatives, looking angry.

I thought to myself, wow.. Too much seriousness going on! Seriously I was about to laugh! Why so serious? Why those faces? It's just not worth it... 

Or is it?

Was it too much serious that I couldn't handle? Or was the case just not worth all of that seriousness and anger? Or am I just used to trials, that to me nothing actually worth all of that seriousness...

I don't know. But to me that moment when I saw everybody's frown, hit me that it might actually be that serious and made me question myself...

However, it was a funny moment to me that I thought to share. 

Setting up Goals

Hello September!

There are 30 days in this month. 
I'm setting 3 goals for myself to achieve by the end of the month. 
I wrote it down and put it by the mirror to keep reminding myself everyday during the month. 

Do the same! (; Grab yourself some motivation and go create who you are!

Watch the video for inspiration.

Airplanes

Fear of airplanes?

I am on the plane thinking...

Well, I used to think that airplanes are dangerous. The fact that I am very high in the air, and the thought of anything wrong happening with the plane up in the air, scared me. If it crashes, there is no where to run but crash on the ground and most likely die. Or it might burn or fall in the ocean.
Either way - I'll definitely die.

I travel a lot. And by travel I mean abroad by airplanes.

Everytime, there is this little scary feeling when the flight takes off and lands and when it bumps during the flight. 

But I'm thinking. The percentage of an accident or something wrong happening with the airplane is very low. It would be something like maybe 1%. I don't know. 
But for sure I know, it is way lower than the percentage of something like that happening with a vehicle on the road. The chance of dying on the road is higher than it is in the air.

We hear so many shocking accidents happening all the time, everyday. People die. 
But how often do we hear about something like that happening to an airplane? Imagine the number of airplanes that take off and lands everyday, all the time, all around the world. We seldom hear about a plane crash. It is very minimal. 

I think it is actually safer to travel by plane than by car. Traveling on the ground is a lot more dangerous than traveling in the air.

DONE

Was it all worth it? That's what I was thinking. 
I thought I had wasted 4 months of my life just being stressed, nervous, crying, studying and jailed in home.

The past year I worked as a trainee (Staj) which wasn't that wonderful... (I rather not get in details here). So actually it has been one and a half years of ****.

Well, I did it. I passed the bar exam. I had to go through so much for the exam with tons of studying. But when it was over, I didn't feel anything. I felt nothing. Of course I was happy, but not that overwhelming happiness that I thought I'd feel. 

And that's how all my thoughts began to flow; Is being a lawyer worth all of this that I've gone through?

Studying for the Bar Exam was really hard. It is not a normal exam. There are so many books and little things to memorize by heart. The exam has confusing questions and even more confusing answers to choose from. I locked myself in home for a whole two months just to study. I wanted to succeed. I wanted to make those around me proud and happy. Those at work, friends and family. They were all expecting me to pass. And with all the stress I had, I broke down couple of times with tears... But then I held myself and continued to study cause I wanted this so much. 

When it was over, I really couldn't believe it. The day before the exam I felt like those in jail going for their parole board; Will I pass and get free or will I fail and stay in. 

We have been told that the results come out on the same day in the evening. The exam was 4 and a half hours long. I stayed in till the last minute. It wasn't easy at all. I felt terrible. I felt like I had failed. It was a horrible exam with 100 questions that don't really test knowledge at all. It was made in purpose to make us fail. I thought to myself "what a shame, all that studying was in vain. How unfair this is..." I had tears in my eyes.

I didn't eat anything that day because I was very nervous. and the little piece of cake that I ate in the morning I vomited it immediately. I wasn't feeling well. After the exam I had a major headache. As soon as I got home, I went to bed. I sat my alarm to wake me up at 8 pm to check up the answers. So I did, I saw that I did it. I ran to my parents telling them that I did it, however still I wasn't that okay, maybe not fully comprehensive, and so I went to sleep again, I still had headache. I woke up again at 11 something pm feeling hungry. I went to check the answers again and then it hit me that I really did it. I passed. It is done. Over. I was so happy!

Actually before all that exam-study-period I thought I wouldn't be able to do this exam since it contains endless material and small details. I thought I am not that good in memorizing things. But I did it and it was over!!

I would say that the human brain is incredibly amazing! All the things that it can remember. I thought how could I remember all of those books by heart? But our brain is greater than we think. Amazingly, it can absorb so much and always ready for more information - if we work on it - if we study.  
So no excuses, if we really want and we study as we should, we can do it. :) 

Also, my motto has always been this: "if they can do it, I can do it." And that's what kept me going. No matter how hard it may seem, if others did it, then why can't I do it? 

Anyway, I had all those thoughts afterwards, about being content with what I had achieved. I was happy, but not fully content with all what I had to go through for this exam; The days I spent at home, the parties that I missed, Easter, weekends, even my Birthday! I started asking myself if this was really worth it, even though I passed.

Two weeks after the exam I had an Oral exam which is part II of the Bar Exam.
I was stressed for that one because I will be standing in front of a judge and two lawyers. I will be asked questions and I'll have to answer right and firm. I will be having no idea of what kind of questions they may ask me.

I heard that the oral exam shouldn't be hard and when you pass the first one, this should be easy and you will pass. But I was afraid. I didn't study for it at all. I just relaxed at home, slept, went out and enjoyed my time.

The day of the Oral exam was very stressful. I was nervous because I tend to have blackouts in interviews and I felt I forgot everything.

As it got my turn and I entered the room, they immediately began asking me questions. Surprisingly I answered everything right and even brought examples to explain myself! They were smiling and nice, they were nodding-looking at each other each time I said a word they wanted to hear - exact words as the Law says. They asked me 5 questions, and while answering the last question - during my answer - the judge pulled out a yellow sheet and passed it to me. It was The Yellow Sheet. I didn't even look at what it said. I knew it was the sheet that they give if we pass. The one that says it.

I said really?! They smiled and said congrats. I was so overwhelmed with happiness. Happiness that's hard to be described. I just couldn't believe it. I thanked them and wanted to say more but I started to cry. It was that moment when I finally realized and felt that it really was over. That moment when they gave me that paper that I felt that I really did it.

I went out of the room and hugged the girl - a stranger - that was waiting for her turn outside. I was all tears and while marching towards the exit some guys asked me how it went... I couldn't answer them because as I opened my mouth to speak I just burst out crying.

I ran down the stairs to see my mother that was waiting for the news, I hugged her crying and said I passed! She was so happy and proud. She called everyone and informed them with the news.

Probably whoever saw me that day thought that I have failed. But I couldn't hold myself. I was crying because of all the things that I went through to get here where I am. The year of training at that office, the months of studying... The things I endured... It was all over. 

My goal was accomplished. I did make everybody happy and proud. I did what I had to do. I passed the Bar Exams. No more steps. It's done.

Now back to the question, I say yes. It was all worth it. The overwhelming happiness I felt cannot be described. The feeling I had was wonderful. Definitely was worth everything. I guess I didn't feel it before after the written exam - even though I passed it and it's supposed to be the hardest - it's because I knew there was another part and it wasn't really over.

But what a joy...


That's it.

I can say officially,

I AM A LAWYER!!! (: 

DOGS

Oh how much I cried!
I was watching my daily Youtube family Vlogs, and today their dog died!!! 
I was crying during the whole Vlog.
I've been watching this family everyday for 3 years now. 
They are a couple with 4 kids and a dog. Their dog was there since the beginning, it was their first "child". He is a great dane and got to 9 years old.
True I never met the family, but because I watch them daily I got attached to the things that happen to them and I feel I know them. 
Their dog was such a good dog. He lets the kids climb on him and lets them do whatever they want to him. He always welcomes people and very playful. 
Lately as he was getting older, his legs got weak that it was hard for him to run around like he used to do and running down the stairs got to be an impossible mission for him. But he still was around only less active and more sleepy. 

It was so hard watching the Vlog. I couldn't help it. It's not only because I got emotional with them, but because I have a dog of my own and I really can't imagine this happens. I love Lucky so much. She's 6 years old, very smart and cute. 
During those 6 years I went through a lot of things and she was there with me in every situation. I talk to her, cry on her, hug her and give her everything.
I know that's life and she won't live forever... But I really don't want that day to come. She is the greatest thing I have. I love her more than anything.

Zero

Through determination, courage and love, NOTHING can be truly SOMETHING.
This is a short film that I think is really incredible.

What's Under the Bed?

Hey I wonder if anybody else had this or was it just me.

When I was a kid, I always had this phobia of what's under my bed. 

Every time had I turned off the lights and got in bed to sleep, I get myself all covered up and sleep exactly in the center of the bed. I had to be careful that all my body parts were covered but my head. 

I always imagined that there's something living under my bed that I can't see at day time or that comes only at night to live under my bed. Maybe a monster or a snake or whatever. 

I remember I wouldn't even dare to sleep with one arm or leg stretched out of the beds' edges; I thought if I sleep like that during the night, a monster might/will grab it! Maybe bite it or pull it down or I don't know. 

I didn't want that to happen. 

This scared me always. 

I guess maybe because it's a dark and an unseen place under there, and when I sleep, anything could happen - I can't see. (LOL)

Speaking of sleeping, I had also always slept on my stomach. I remember when I was little, the thought of sleeping on my back didn't feel safe; I imagined someone approaching me at night while sleeping and wanting to stab me or shoot me. I thought if it happens and I am sleeping on my back and my chest and stomach faced up like that it would be easier to kill me than doing so from the back. I thought it would be harder to do so from the back since it's harder and stronger. So it was safer for me to sleep on my stomach, keeping it covered.

Haha. And since then I got used to sleeping like that. I would never be able to fall asleep by laying on my back. I tried however, because I know it's healthier... But it didn't work. 

Being a Trainee Lawyer

When I was just starting my job as a trainee lawyer, I loved it so much. I loved everything about it, especially being out there in courts; wearing the suit, holding the files and standing up straight. Oh I loved that feeling. I felt powerful. 
I stood before people who were much older than me but yet so small. Amazing how they come TO ME for questions, they come TO ME worried and stressed out, they come TO ME for explanations; whatever I say or tell them, is the right thing for them. They listen TO ME.
It was a weird feeling at first because usually the younger listen to the older and ask them questions. The older are the ones who know things and they are "the more experienced".
Anyway, I wrote before all about how it was like for me working as a trainee; I definitely learned a lot out of that year. 
The other day in court, I came on behalf of the prosecutor. There was a man sitting there outside the court room. The man looked at me and asked me if I am representing X (I don't want to post names here) - apparently he was the defendant in that case. I said yes. He looked at me shocked a bit and said "But you look so nice!" I smiled half a smile. We were waiting outside the courtroom for the judge to call us in. We continued talking.

We talked about the case and about lawyers in general. He said lawyers only care for money and how to win. They don't care about anything else. He said "to become a lawyer you must have wickedness in your heart. You must be a bad person to practice law." "Did you hear what I said? Wickedness."
His words touched me. I am not a bad person. I had a whole different idea about this. I wanted to learn Law because it is life. It is around us all the time. We live in it. I wanted to know Laws and be aware of things; to not be fooled in this life. I wanted to be able to help people and be there for my family and friends. I wanted justice. 
After the talk with that man I started thinking. Would I be like that one day? Does law practice change people? Many said that they become with time emotionless by practicing law. This scares me because I don't want to be a bad person. 
One day I remember in court I felt so good when I "won" a case that wasn't easy. The case didn't have good evidence, but by talking to the other side I did convince him and made him pay the debt. It made me feel so good but in the other hand it wasn't really good what I did because deep down I knew it wasn't a just thing to do; if I didn't convince him like I did and relied only on the evidence, he would've won and not me. But the feeling that I did it, was so great!
So it does and may change people. Hopefully I'll be aware and won't let that happen to me.
However I must mention that as a trainee I had to do what the office wants and which cases my trainer gives me. It wasn't a choice to take that case. But  I admit it gave me a good feeling to win it even if it wasn't right. And that's what I'm talking about. 

Why I Hate Religion

Wow. I found this amazing man who wrote a great poem; 
"Why I hate religion, but love Jesus"

In the poem Jefferson Bethke is trying to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion. 

"Religion either ends in pride or despair. Pride because you make a list and can do it and act better than everyone, or despair because you can't do your own list of rules and feel "not good enough" for God. With Jesus though you have humble confident joy because He represents you, you don't represent yourself and His sacrifice is perfect putting us in perfect standing with God the Father." 

In the poem, Jeff is talking about religion as in traditions, where you just follow rules instead of the real meaning of it; you go to Church because it is Sunday and that's what we do; Christmas is about the tree, Santa and presents; Easter is about bunnies and finding eggs. But what about the real meaning of things? 

Churches teach something but practice something else and Religion wants rules and traditions. But Jesus loves us no matter what and definitely doesn't care about money. He welcomes everybody.

I think that's what Jeff is talking about by hating Religion and loving Jesus.
We follow traditions and religious people, but are we really Christians?

"If Jesus came to your Church, would they actually let Him in?"