DONE

Was it all worth it? That's what I was thinking. 
I thought I had wasted 4 months of my life just being stressed, nervous, crying, studying and jailed in home.

The past year I worked as a trainee (Staj) which wasn't that wonderful... (I rather not get in details here). So actually it has been one and a half years of ****.

Well, I did it. I passed the bar exam. I had to go through so much for the exam with tons of studying. But when it was over, I didn't feel anything. I felt nothing. Of course I was happy, but not that overwhelming happiness that I thought I'd feel. 

And that's how all my thoughts began to flow; Is being a lawyer worth all of this that I've gone through?

Studying for the Bar Exam was really hard. It is not a normal exam. There are so many books and little things to memorize by heart. The exam has confusing questions and even more confusing answers to choose from. I locked myself in home for a whole two months just to study. I wanted to succeed. I wanted to make those around me proud and happy. Those at work, friends and family. They were all expecting me to pass. And with all the stress I had, I broke down couple of times with tears... But then I held myself and continued to study cause I wanted this so much. 

When it was over, I really couldn't believe it. The day before the exam I felt like those in jail going for their parole board; Will I pass and get free or will I fail and stay in. 

We have been told that the results come out on the same day in the evening. The exam was 4 and a half hours long. I stayed in till the last minute. It wasn't easy at all. I felt terrible. I felt like I had failed. It was a horrible exam with 100 questions that don't really test knowledge at all. It was made in purpose to make us fail. I thought to myself "what a shame, all that studying was in vain. How unfair this is..." I had tears in my eyes.

I didn't eat anything that day because I was very nervous. and the little piece of cake that I ate in the morning I vomited it immediately. I wasn't feeling well. After the exam I had a major headache. As soon as I got home, I went to bed. I sat my alarm to wake me up at 8 pm to check up the answers. So I did, I saw that I did it. I ran to my parents telling them that I did it, however still I wasn't that okay, maybe not fully comprehensive, and so I went to sleep again, I still had headache. I woke up again at 11 something pm feeling hungry. I went to check the answers again and then it hit me that I really did it. I passed. It is done. Over. I was so happy!

Actually before all that exam-study-period I thought I wouldn't be able to do this exam since it contains endless material and small details. I thought I am not that good in memorizing things. But I did it and it was over!!

I would say that the human brain is incredibly amazing! All the things that it can remember. I thought how could I remember all of those books by heart? But our brain is greater than we think. Amazingly, it can absorb so much and always ready for more information - if we work on it - if we study.  
So no excuses, if we really want and we study as we should, we can do it. :) 

Also, my motto has always been this: "if they can do it, I can do it." And that's what kept me going. No matter how hard it may seem, if others did it, then why can't I do it? 

Anyway, I had all those thoughts afterwards, about being content with what I had achieved. I was happy, but not fully content with all what I had to go through for this exam; The days I spent at home, the parties that I missed, Easter, weekends, even my Birthday! I started asking myself if this was really worth it, even though I passed.

Two weeks after the exam I had an Oral exam which is part II of the Bar Exam.
I was stressed for that one because I will be standing in front of a judge and two lawyers. I will be asked questions and I'll have to answer right and firm. I will be having no idea of what kind of questions they may ask me.

I heard that the oral exam shouldn't be hard and when you pass the first one, this should be easy and you will pass. But I was afraid. I didn't study for it at all. I just relaxed at home, slept, went out and enjoyed my time.

The day of the Oral exam was very stressful. I was nervous because I tend to have blackouts in interviews and I felt I forgot everything.

As it got my turn and I entered the room, they immediately began asking me questions. Surprisingly I answered everything right and even brought examples to explain myself! They were smiling and nice, they were nodding-looking at each other each time I said a word they wanted to hear - exact words as the Law says. They asked me 5 questions, and while answering the last question - during my answer - the judge pulled out a yellow sheet and passed it to me. It was The Yellow Sheet. I didn't even look at what it said. I knew it was the sheet that they give if we pass. The one that says it.

I said really?! They smiled and said congrats. I was so overwhelmed with happiness. Happiness that's hard to be described. I just couldn't believe it. I thanked them and wanted to say more but I started to cry. It was that moment when I finally realized and felt that it really was over. That moment when they gave me that paper that I felt that I really did it.

I went out of the room and hugged the girl - a stranger - that was waiting for her turn outside. I was all tears and while marching towards the exit some guys asked me how it went... I couldn't answer them because as I opened my mouth to speak I just burst out crying.

I ran down the stairs to see my mother that was waiting for the news, I hugged her crying and said I passed! She was so happy and proud. She called everyone and informed them with the news.

Probably whoever saw me that day thought that I have failed. But I couldn't hold myself. I was crying because of all the things that I went through to get here where I am. The year of training at that office, the months of studying... The things I endured... It was all over. 

My goal was accomplished. I did make everybody happy and proud. I did what I had to do. I passed the Bar Exams. No more steps. It's done.

Now back to the question, I say yes. It was all worth it. The overwhelming happiness I felt cannot be described. The feeling I had was wonderful. Definitely was worth everything. I guess I didn't feel it before after the written exam - even though I passed it and it's supposed to be the hardest - it's because I knew there was another part and it wasn't really over.

But what a joy...


That's it.

I can say officially,

I AM A LAWYER!!! (: