My Baby

Red nose, teary eyes... It is how I look like at the moment. 

It is my baby - my precious dog. 

Her name is Lucky. 

Lucky is everything to me. I love her so much. I have had her since she was one month old. She's cute and very smart. 
I spoiled her with many clothes, collars, nail-polish, hairbrush, shampoo, perfume, toothpaste, toys... 
I took her everywhere. 

Lucky is five years old. 
I have so many pictures and videos of her. Many memories. 

I always thought about the day she will no longer be around and how hard it is going to be because I am so attached to her. 
I know dogs live approximately 12 years. So the day to no longer have her around scared me. I wanted her to be with me forever. She is my baby. 

I love how she gets excited to see me. How she hugs me whenever I come back home. I love how she loves me and that no matter what I do she loves me still, even if I hurt her (by accident).

Lately things have changed. 

I don't know what happened to her. She tends to hide and stay alone and when she does that, no one is allowed to touch her or get close to her. She would bite him. She does that also when she is on her bed or very relaxed laying somewhere in the house. She does that even to me. To me!

Anyhow, things got way out of control with her. Sometimes when we are even playing she would all of a sudden when I approach to her with my hand, she growls and tries to bite me and keeps growling at me. 

I convinced myself she suffers from a separation anxiety. I took her to the doctor and he said it's a big problem and I can give her pills which is not really recommended for small breeds. He said I can take her to a dog shrink but he will also give her pills in the end. So he suggest I approach her slowly and gently so she won't get afraid of being taken away to be put outside - because it is what I do sometimes. 

I tried to be gentle and keep her inside with me, and only when she decides she wants outside I'd let her to leave out by herself without holding her. But yet it didn't help.

I am convinced now that Lucky's problem is bigger than separation anxiety. I was sitting when she came to me. I was caressing her and talking to her sweetly when she growled at my hand and as I reached again to caress her she growled and bit my finger! It really hurt. So I shouted "No!" and she ran back to her bed. I opened the outside door yelling at her to go out then I hit her (not hard). I yelled again at her and burst into tears. I couldn't understand why she did it, especially that it is me!! She no way felt scared or any of that in this incident. 
I started to cry because I gave up. 

At that moment I said to myself that's it. She has become dangerous and weird. I am afraid to touch her even when she wants to play with me or to caress her. She might just bite my hand. She might harm me!

I decided that it is time to let her go. She can't stay anymore. Something is wrong with her. I cried so much because I love her and I just can't have her anymore. 

The day I was so afraid of; has come. 

To be continued...